Whatever it takes right?
A case for shedding skin
TO : You ☺️🧡🦋✨🌊🍓💒
FROM: ME 🥰🌋📸⚡️🍃
MOOD: 😌🦚🍄
SONG: Montego Bae - Noname ft Rayvn Lenae
SO! I hope things are well on your side of our floating rock. If they aren’t, well honestly I hate that for you but also, welcome to Season 3 of The Pots and Pans baby! None of us are having that much fun, but at least we got each other. I hope you at least eat something good, drink some water and have a few good laughs before your day is done. 🧡
My day is just getting started, I’ve had my morning coffee chat with my spirit team and before I begin to participate in capitalism I thought, let me check in with you and tell you what’s been on my mind. To preface this conversation, if there’s nothing else that you remember about me, I’m a die hard Degrassi Next Gen stan. No other piece of media shaped my childhood like that show, and I’m just WAITING on someone to host the Degrassi trivia night so I can win some coin and yell “Drinks on me”! (That’s on my bucket list, I’m not sure why but I need to experience that once in this lifetime.)
Now, I’ve been doing a massive Degrassi rewatch for the past…I feel like month? I don’t know, whenever it came out on HBO was the day I started watching it but anyway, what really matters is that I’m already in season 8 and I’m realizing I have equally loved and hated almost every single character at some point during this show run, with the exception of Mia (Never liked her, worst character, fight your mom. She got JT killed and I’ll never forgive her for it *shrugs*). Like, I’ve gotten to certain episodes that I’d forgotten about and I’d be like shit, I HATED Manny this episode and by the end of others I’m in tears over how proud of her I am. It’s been maddening while also heavily cathartic. I’m remembering how some of these episodes helped shape my thoughts about topics I didn’t really feel like I wanted to talk to anyone else about, they prepared me for the many different ways people could react to the curves life throws at them, and most importantly, that EVERYONE changes all the time.
I’m always grateful for that foundation for my youth, because I had something to hold on to during my early adulthood (and Im using adulthood very loosely) when I started to realize the world wanted me in a box. It might sound dramatic, but the way society is set up for someone perceived as both Black and Woman, they really do give you the choice of being in the box they want you in or being in some pine. Somehow we’ve convinced ourselves that the only way to thrive is to find your “niche”, and I can’t lie, that’s what I’ve been grappling with lately. You would think that I, a Scorpio, would be used to the constant shedding of skin, and in some ways I am, but the world we live in is not too kind to those of us who don’t know how to minimize ourselves in an elevator pitch.
It’s what makes me hate writing bios. Sure, nobody needs to know everything about me, but how can I explain who I am in 80 characters? And then there’s the pressure of “Will this ACTUAllY accurately portray me or does this sound stupid and people will think I’m lame? If I like it it can’t be lame right? What does lame even fucking mean and why do I even care about this?” Next thing I know I’ve written 3 lines, called it a day and now I’m in a fetal position on my carpet binging The Office for the 36965186549839x and contemplating my existence over a bowl of Honey Bears. I’m tired of the spiral. (And yes, I own the box set. I would never pay for Peacock, don’t play me.)
I don’t want a niche. I’m a human, not a brand or a product. I don’t know how to not be interested in and want to discuss multiple subjects with multiple types of people. There’s 7 billion of us on this irregular ellipsoid and I’m kinda curious about MOST of them (some folks are just weirdos and I would very much like to never meet you please stay far away from me thanks 🙃). I want to be able to talk about books and snakes and rap beefs of the early 2000’s and herbalism and liberation and The Ultimatum on Netflix and press ons vs acrylics and experimental film all in the same space in the same body in the same lifetime, and I want to talk to welcome all the people who want to join me in however much exploration they’d like. This is just my very long winded way of saying I’m over trying to fit into boxes. I’m over having to “pivot” every time I want to try something new. I’m over worrying about target audiences and markets. I feel like I spent most of my 20’s just trying to squeeze myself into whatever box most of me would fit in to appease some force I can’t see, and it kind of messed me up for a bit. So I’m taking it back to the basics, trying to remember what Degrassi taught me about not getting so wrapped up in labels, making space for change, and see where that takes me.
WHEW, chile. That was a lot longer than I expected. I’m going to let you get to your day, and I hope it’s a good one! Don’t forget to drink some water and remember, stress is the silent killer so calm tf down sometimes!
TTYL,
A$iahMae 🧡
Ps: About the song, it’s just something about Noname rapping about reading Toni Morrison in her nigga canoe and also the mutual joy they share in receiving oral from each other in the same verse that reminds me ya know, multiple things can be true at once. It makes me kinda like it here <3